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P.O. Box 25759 1411 Rim Road Fayetteville, North Carolina 28314 Office Phone: 910-868-5686 |
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November 9, 2003 (Non-Lectionary)
Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.
1) Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
2) Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
3) The Nursery
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
4) Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
5) Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
6) Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
7) Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
8) Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
9) At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
10) Swallowing Coins
1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
[Illustration from Andrew Chan Senior Pastor, PBC, Vancouver, BC]
While human parents are changeable, God, the model of perfect parenting remains constant in his dealing with his children. The underlying constant for God’s dealing is that he relates to us based on love and always wills our good. This is specifically revealed in the passage we just read dealing with how God DISCIPLINES AND CORRECTS HIS CHILDREN.
I. Children need discipline. Discipline here literally refers to training. Training is for the purpose of moving a child from what they naturally want to do based on their inward appetites and desires, to doing what will bring blessing into their lives.
A. Why is this necessary? Well, just like you and me, our kids have a sinful nature. By nature human beings tend to veer away from God’s plan for us into disobedience and self-destruction.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Folly in Proverbs refers to moral waywardness – a willful refusal to follow God and the laws of God. That’s what is in a child’s heart (and in our grown-up hearts too!). It used to be that when a child was reprimanded at school s/he was also reprimanded at home. Now the parents call in the ACLU and threaten to sue the teacher and the school administration. Their little darling would never misbehave! We have forgotten that our children are sinners too.
B. Discipline is shaping a molding the will of the child so that s/he will not self-destruct.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Military training is discipline and it means transforming the will to be able to endure hardship, overcome the natural fear of physical harm, and physically prepare to go into combat.
· Immortal Dallas Cowboys coach, Tom Landry, said: “The job of a football coach is to make men do what they don't want to do, in order to achieve what they've always wanted to be.”
· Discipline also includes encouragement, not just NO and DON’T.
It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son. As if the stress weren't enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything, told me how to drive better, and sang every song he knew.
Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer: "Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter." It worked.
But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. "Christopher, sit up straight ... don't spill your drink ... don't talk with your mouth full."
Finally he said seriously, "Dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter." [Paul M. Hampton, Cold Spring, Kentucky. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."]
C. God’s training takes my rebellious will and teaches it to submit to him. The same is true as we train our kids…
Hebrews 12:10-11 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
The result is…
· HOLINESS – A God-shaped life
· RIGHTEOUSNESS – Right relationship with God and others.
· PEACE – Shalom, a life of wholeness, not inflicted with self-inflicted chaos.
II. Discipline, as training, is something parents offer their children all the time: bed-time, mealtime, hygiene, study habits, Christian education… All that is training! But there is another part of discipline that goes beyond structure and training: CORRECTION. Administering correction and punishment IS NOT OPTIONAL. Parents are obligated to correct their children.
A. Discipline is an act of parental love.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Avoiding consistent correction is not a loving indulgence it is hateful!
B. Discipline is linked with God’s love for us!
Hebrews 12:6 …because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.
C. Don’t go wobbly! Don’t get wimpy! You are dealing with your child’s destiny.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
III. A Practical Pattern Based in Scripture. How does this work in real life?
With much pleading and solemn vows of good behavior, little Steve persuaded his mother to let him sit with a group of his friends during church.
"But remember, I'm sitting two rows behind you," she told him. "I will be keeping an eye on you."
Despite his good intentions, Steve was soon giggling and squirming with his buddies.
Unable to get his attention, Steve's mom walked forward, took her son by the hand, and began to escort him out to the "cry room" at the back of the sanctuary. Halfway down the aisle, Steve looked at the congregation and cried out piteously, "Everybody pray for me!" [Aleene Sanders, Poplar Bluff, Mo. Christian Reader, "Lite Fare."]
A. Set the rules, standards, and boundary. God clearly marked out his boundaries for using the Ten Commandments. Don’t punish your child for what they don’t know is wrong. On the other hand DON’T DISMISS INFRACTIONS against established boundaries because “they forget.” If you apply correction they will remember! One of the hardest jobs for a parent is making a child realize that "no" is a complete sentence.
B. Set the consequences. Disobedience and disrespect must always be corrected. Defiant backtalk breaks the command to honor parents. Likewise with direct disobedience.
Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”
Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."
C. When violated, they tell you what they did wrong.
D. You explain why it is wrong.
E. Impose the reminder, restraint or rod. Yes, chastisement is (and should be) painful – BUT NOT HARMFUL. Physical pain is a gift from God to keep us from harm. The point of discipline is not to harm, but to avoid a greater harm in the future. Correction may be the loss of a privilege that is equally painful.
Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Pain can serve a definite purpose in our lives. Dr. Paul Brand of Carville, Louisiana, one of the world's foremost experts on leprosy, describes how "leprosy patients lose their fingers and toes, not because the disease can cause decay, but precisely because they lack pain sensations. Nothing warns them when water is too hot or a hammer handle is splintered. Accidental self-abuse destroys their bodies." [Cited by Philip Yancey in "Pain: The Tool of the Wounded Surgeon," Christianity Today, March 24, 1978.]
· Discipline should not be harsh, or discouraging.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
F. Re-explain the rules
G. Pray together and give overt affection, hugs and kisses.
H. Forget the infraction. Do not bring it up again in a negative way.
Psalm: 103:8-14 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.
CONCLUSION: Help your children obey. Don’t just play “gotcha” with them.
Out of parental concern and a desire to teach our young son responsibility, we require him to phone home when he arrives at his friend's house a few blocks away. He began to forget, however as he grew more confident in his ability to get there without disaster befalling him. The first time he forgot, I called to be sure he had arrived. We told him the next time it happened, he would have to come home.
A few days later, however, the telephone again lay silent, and I knew if he was going to learn he would have to be punished. But I did not want to punish him! I went to the telephone, regretting that his great time would have to be spoiled by his lack of contact with his father. As I dialed, I prayed for wisdom. "Treat him like I treat you," the Lord seemed to say. With that, as the telephone rang one time, I hung up. A few seconds later the phone rang, and it was my son.
"I'm here, Dad!"
"What took you so long to call?" I asked.
"We started playing and I forgot. But Dad, I heard the phone ring once and I remembered."
"I'm glad you remembered," I said. "Have fun."
How often do we think of God as One who waits to punish us when we step out of line? I wonder how often he rings just once, hoping we will phone home.
-- Dennis Miller, Antioch, Illinois. Leadership, Vol. 6, no. 2.
I. Children have a sinful nature and need godly guidance to help control their innate motivation to rebel against God, and their parents who are God’s representatives.
As it is written: There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. ...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:10-12, 23)
The sinful nature is that part of us that is biased against God, that draws us towards the wrong. There’s a lot of resistance to this basic Christian doctrine. Peggy Jones and her husband taught children's church in Marion, VA. She says, ‘I was telling the boys and girls, ranging in age from four to eleven, that we all are born in sin, but by grace are saved through faith. One of the younger girls first looked puzzled, then said quite seriously, "I wasn't born in sin. I was born in November."’ (Peggy Jones, Marion, Virginia. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom.")
A. Our children are not born innocent! They inherited the sinful nature from their parents. This means your precious little one will indeed lie to you. They will defy you. They are selfish. If you do not accept this and the responsibility to correct your child you are not equipping them to handle forces that will later destroy them.
Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Genesis 4:6-7
B. Won’t this hurt their self-esteem? No! We have inner peace and a sense of worth not by going about all day saying what wonderful people we are, but by confessing our sin and turning to God for forgiveness. A right self-love, a sense of worth, is based on the truth of God’s love for me, a sinner.
· Child psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Bruno Bettelheim stated: There is a widespread refusal to let children know that the source of much that goes wrong in life is due to our very own natures--the propensity of all men for acting aggressively, asocially, selfishly, out of anger, and anxiety. Instead, we want our children to believe that, inherently, all men are good. The children know that they are not always good; and often, even when they are, they would prefer not to be. This contradicts what they are told by their parents, and therefore makes the child a monster in his own eyes. (Bruno Bettelheim, Leadership, Vol. 4, no. 2.)
C. You see, in acknowledging the anthropological reality of the sinful nature you are not devaluing your child. You are equipping him/her to be able to receive grace. It is only in realizing that there is something ontologically askew in the very core of our being – something we have no power to correct – that we realize we need supernatural help. We need a savior. That truth is declared to us again and again at this table. Here the Gospel truth is presented in bread and wine: I am a great sinner and Jesus is a great Savior!
· Old Doctor John Duncan taught Hebrew in Edinburgh long ago. He was sitting one day at the Communion in a church, a Highland church, and he was feeling so personally unworthy that when the elements came 'round, he felt he couldn't take them. He allowed the bread and wine to pass. As he was sitting there feeling absolutely miserable, he noticed a girl in the congregation whom, when the bread and wine came 'round, also allowed them to pass, and then broke down into tears. That sight seemed to bring back to the old saint the truth he had forgotten. And in a carrying whisper that could be heard across the church, he was heard to say, "Take it, lassie, take it. It's meant for sinners." And he himself partook. (James S. Stewart, "The Rending of the Veil," Preaching Today, Tape No. 57.)
12:1 Therefore, since we are
surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything
that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with
perseverance the race marked out for us. 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus,
the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him
endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of
the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful
men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of
shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement
that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son
is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and
everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not
true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us
and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father
of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while
as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may
share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but
painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and
peace for those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.
NIV
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